Us Scotts know all too well that anything can change at any time. Both of us have experienced great losses. Brian has lost three children… I have lost my mom and our son. I have to say though, I just didn’t see this coming.
On July 4th, my Dad passed away.
My Dad (Bob) and I were very close. We always have been, but even more so over the last four years since the loss of my mom. It was going to be so hard for me to be away from him with us starting our full time RVing lifestyle, but he was also incredibly supportive of us following our dream. He was looking so forward to keeping up with our photos and videos, and visiting us every month or two wherever we might happen to be. I think, maybe, I was looking forward to that even more than he was. Something I can say about both of my parents is that they made everything better because of how awesomely they reacted to it. My enjoyment would have been increased by them sharing in the joy with me. I am so sad to have lost both of them now.
On the 3rd of July, my dad said goodnight and went off to bed as always. He never said he didn’t feel well and he didn’t alert us that anything at all was unusual. We had been living with him these past couple of months while we were getting the trailer ready. On the 4th of July, we woke up late – we never sleep that late, but we weren’t sleeping well the night before and we both took sleep aids. When we woke up so late and found out that he wasn’t awake yet, Brian said I should probably go check on him. I had that little nagging worry – especially with his history of heart attacks – but I tried to stay calm and tell myself not to be silly, he would be fine.
Unfortunately, I found him already gone. We made the call, Brian performed CPR, the ambulance came, but I knew from the first minute I saw him that it was too late. The coroner eventually came and informed me that most likely, my dad had a heart attack in his sleep.
I was numb. Completely numb. I know I cried. My aunt and grandma showed up. I made phone calls. I don’t really remember a lot of it. I called a few close friends. It’s only been a few short years since I made the same call, to the same people, about my mom. The reaction from them this time mirrored pretty much my own. Seriously? NO! How can this be? Not again!
With my mom I cried and cried, but with my dad, I have experienced a profound numbness and sadness. Now it’s not only about the loss of my dad, the person… but the fact that I no longer have any parents. I’m a 32 year old orphan. It’s a completely bewildering, lost sort of feeling. I feel aimless and alone in the world.
Don’t get me wrong. I have a wonder family. My aunt and grandma, above… my wonderful husband… my stepkids… my cousins… my extremely close friends, who are basically sisters to me. Even my wonderful inlaws. But nothing, no one, can take the place of my parents. Especially such amazingly good ones. They left a very large hole. There is so much guidance, support and love that I will be missing out on for the rest of my life. I’m no stranger to this… I know I will be okay. After losing my mom 4 years ago and our infant son one year ago, I know that I will get through this. I know I will continue on with life, be happy, enjoy my life with my husband. I don’t believe, in any way, that life is over. But, a very big and important chapter is behind me. I will miss it, and I will miss my Dad so very much. My best friend Sarah flew out on the 4th of July to comfort me and support me through getting ready for the funeral. My cousins flew out for the funeral. We had an extremely nice service at the church my dad and grandma attended together.
That night my husband Brian, my best friend Sarah, my cousins Laura and John Mark, and myself all went out to a nice dinner so we could actually spend some time talking about Dad, sharing memories, and having a nice time. Even though it was the same day as my dad’s funeral, it ended up being one of the best nights of my life. It was truly good, down to the core, spending that night with these most special people. It lifted my spirits.
My cousins had to get back home to Houston and return to work, but it was wonderful to spend that time with them. Sarah was able to stay with me, which I am so grateful for. I needed her!! A couple of days after the funeral service, we returned to our special spot in the mountains where my mom’s ashes and our son Everett’s ashes are both spread. I knew that is what Dad wanted, too. My family came up there, including Brian’s parents, my aunt and grandma, my husband, and Sarah. We all said a few words and had our moment there and spread Dad’s ashes. At Sarah’s wonderful suggestion, we brought this leafy floral arrangement from the funeral service, in the shape of a cross, and placed it there where we spread the ashes. It went so beautifully with the environment, and I think it was the perfect thing to remember it by. I love this picture.
Now, how does this change our plans? We have summer plans with the kids and we can’t just drop them. Not only because we have reservations everywhere that we would lose money on, but also because we only get to see the kids on school holidays and we – and they – have been looking forward to this for months. We need to make it happen. Unfortunately, I have a lot on my plate. As Executor, and sole surviving heir, everything is on my shoulders and MUST be done by me. I need to stay in Denver a little longer.
We are skipping the first week of our Summer Itinerary, where Brian and I were going to spend some time alone in Bozeman, MT. He is going to go out and pick the kids up just a couple of days later than originally planned, then skip Glacier National Park. They will travel out to Oregon and end up arriving there at the originally scheduled time. I will be flying out to Portland July 24th so they can pick me up. I’ll miss some of the trip, but I’ll be there for most of it. This way I can take care of the many, many things I need to do before I go. Luckily, I will have Sarah with me too until the 23rd, so I won’t be all by myself.
Here is our video on the subject…
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As for what happens with our RVing AFTER this summer trip, I don’t know yet. We will still be doing it, but we have to come back to Denver first and finish taking care of some very important things. We now have a HUGE storage unit FULL of Dad’s stuff that we have to deal with, a house to sell, legal matters to take care of, tons of papers to go through, just so many things. We are definitely going to Balloon Fiesta, but will be in Denver until then, and possibly after. A lot is up in the air for right now. I guess we are already “full timers”, because we will be living in it, but we may not be very mobile for a little while.
I seriously don’t know what I would do without my best friend and husband. They have been rocks for me through this. I miss Dad so much. I can’t be alone right now without crying. I know it will get better, but this is going to be a tough one for quite some time. Thanks for listening out there.
I keep thinking of the things I am glad for. He got to see the trailer almost completely done and he loved it. We got to hear him watching our YouTube videos. He got to see when I cut my hair short. He was there for our wedding. He held Everett after he died. But I also keep thinking of all the things he won’t be here for. Our future kids. Our RV travels. Everything that is yet to come.
Miss you so much, Dad.